With only 16,000 Arancini to make in the next 8 working days (no joke here) my subsequent trip to New Zealand will surely mean lots of open-fire, beach cooked recipes using ingredients not cheaply found in the UK, and hence useless to most in a practical sense.

Kiwis are just so cool.

Zucchini, Chocolate and Sumac Muffin (Makes 12) 

350g flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp bicarb soda

1 tbsp cocoa powder

½ tsp cinnamon

2 tsp sumac

SIFT

250g caster sugar

2 eggs, beaten

120g butter, softened

120ml oil (Rapeseed, grapeseed)

120ml Plain Yoghurt

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 tbsp pomegranate molasses

MIX + ADD 

100g dark chocolate pieces

300g zucchini, grated

ADD

Preheat oven to 180′c

15-20 minutes, until centre is cooked.  

Stew #5112 (Makes a dozen portions)

6 med onions, finely diced
1 whole celery, finely diced
7 carrots, grated
30g mustard seed
5 g dried basil
10g cracked black pepper
Fine zest and juice of one lemon
5g whole fennel seeds
5g tumeric
olive oil
80g crushed garlic

9 zucchini
1/3 tray mushrooms

1.5l Hot vegetable stock

600ml single cream
handful parsley
dessert spoon hot english mustard
200g feta cheese
salt to taste

Handful kale
Handful baby spinach leaves

mix onions et.al
Saute till slightly brown and soft
Add veg stock, bring to simmer
Simmer 20 min, remove from heat
Stir in cream and the rest. Cool

Oil, season, roast larger chunks of mushroom and zucchini.
Cool
Place on top of wet mix, in paella pan
Garnish with kale and spinach

Serve.

Stuffed sardines.

Lovely Cornish sardines, filled with Isreali couscous.

12 x whole fresh sardines, cleaned.

100g dried Isreali couscous

2 x cup vegetable stock

1 x red onion

1 x clove garlic

7-8 x oyster mushrooms

1 x zucchini

¼ x cup chopped flat parsley

3 x pinch fresh majoram leaves.

1 x skinny Turkish red pepper

Bay leaf

Sweet paprika

Smoked paprika

Cumin seeds

Olive oil

Whole lemon

Salt + Cracked black pepper

Tip for Camden locals – the Sainsbury’s there has one of the freshest fish counters I’ve seen in London (I know, shoot me.)

Cook the couscous in the vegetable stock, adding in the peel of the lemon (reserve the rest for juice) and bay leaf. Any parsley stalks excess can go in also. Follow the cooking instructions on the couscous packet, but you’re going to boil it then let it sit covered for a while. This big-assed Isreali couscous needs a lot more cooking than the instant one….

Finely dice the veggies, then frying in olive oil, onion, garlic, paprika, cumin seeds, pepper, zucchini, mushroom. Cool.

A quick note on using paprika. The sweet stuff isn’t so powerful, so I could recommended half a teaspoon for this recipe. The smokey stuff you just need a tiny pinch. I unfortunately went into overkill mode and ruined it a little. Exercise caution!

Remove detritus from cooled couscous, mix the vege through and add the chopped flat parsley, majoram and the juice of the lemon. Salt and pepper to taste.

Now the sardines. Gently pull the head backwards, don’t be rough – if you’re careful the head, spine and all associated bones should be removed in one piece. Gently clean these lovely fillets without washing in water. I prefer to leave the tails on.

Form the couscous mix into a fillet shape and wrap a sardine over the top, skin side out. A slice of thin butter on top and you’re good to go. Place all on a oven tray lined with silicone paper and pop under a hot, overhead grill. These should be cooked through in a couple of minutes.

This meal tastes amazing and is cheap! Sardines are really good value and everything else can be found at your local store for a good price.

This is a crowd pleaser, whipped up with ease this particular time for a lovely and appreciative pescatarian. Remember; pasta is a dried starch that absorbs water when cooked. I’ve translated my singular risotto cooking skills bilaterally. Woop!

You’ll need….

1 x fine diced brown onion

1 x fine diced red onion

2x minced garlic cloves

1/2 x tsp chopped fresh thyme

1 x turkish red capsicum, bite sized dice

1 x yellow capsicum, bite sized dice

’1 x zucchini, bite sized dice

1 x green turkish capsicum, bite sized dice

1/4 x cup chopped flat parsley

2 x tomatoes, diced and seeded.

1/10 (seriously!!!!!) de-seeded scotch bonnet chili.

10 x tender green beans, bite sized dice

1 x small bag washed watercress

2 x tbsp red pesto

1 x cup hot vege stock

2 x trout fillets, skin on. mmmmmmmm trout (dice, 2cm squares. Careful o’ bones)

1 x lime

1 x lemon

1/3 pack thin spaghetti (angelhair or “quick cook”)

Oil, salt, pepper

O.k this list is getting pedantic, so oven on, 180′c,  foil on tray. Roast dry spaghetti for about 6 min till it colours / the ends start to really darken. Remove, and crush into 1cm long pieces.

Get a larger pan very very hot. Cook zucchini and capsiocum for about 1 min. Try and crisp / burn the outsides then remove from pan and place aside.

Reduce heat, sauté onions and garlic in olive oil. When clear, add paprika, chili, thyme and cook for 30 seconds more.

Now pop in the busted spaghetti and tomatoes. and add the vege stock, red pesto and green beans. Wait 4 min then throw in the trout, parsley and pre-fried vegetables. Simmer for about 3 min, add salt and pepper to taste then let it stand, covered for 2 min. Garnish with washed watercress, lemon and lime wedges and if you can manage it, some aoili. Perfect with a chilled pinot noir.

Ok, so go out into the woods. Look for somewhere in the deep forest that hasn’t apparently been proxy-sprayed with weed killer. Southern train lines from London Bridge seem to produce the finest nowheres, for under ten quid.

Oh, and hello, Mr Wild Food Disclaimer : “After Stinging Nettle enters its flowering and seed setting stages the leaves develop gritty particles called ”cystoliths” which can irritate the urinary tract.”

(That’s generally in Autumn, dudes; research this stuff before you eat it.)

Pick about 1kg of nettles. Take them home. Plunge into a sink of cold water, soak for 5 min, then, using gloves, pick all the leaves off. Wikipedia says that if you wash nettles they lose the poison of their sting. My throbbing left palm says; stay away from user generated online encyclopaedias when crucial botanic knowledge is required.

In the meantime, brunoise 1 small onion, 1 small leek, bigger chunks for the  2 medium potatoes (peeled). Sweat the oniony stuff, add the spuds and stir for a bit. Use some butter AND olive oil in this process.

Add 3 cups vege stock, a pinch of pepper, and a fresh tsp of chopped majoram.  Simmer for 20 min. Now plunge in your nettles. Cook for 4 min, grate a pinch of fresh nutmeg through, then puree. Add a very cold knob of butter as it blends. Mmmm rich. Taste it, then season with salt. Pass through a chiniose if you’re posh, then serve in a bowl with a dollop of Brymore clotted cream (http://www.abmoore.co.uk/) (London locavores, apologies)

Lovely stuff. And free. And the nettles are 25% protein.

Poached Fruit

Poach this fruit first. To make the liquid for cooking take….

1/2 cup white sugar

1 1/2 cups water

1 lemon, sliced

3 dry bay leaves

1 cinnamon stick

4 cloves

2 rooibos Teabags

5 basil leaves

5 crushed peppercorns

1 pinch salt

Bring this mix to the boil, then simmer for about 5 min. Strain all the goodies out and rejoice in the fragrance of the stock. Then cut up about 5 stone fruit. I used  mix of nectarines and the unstonefruity pears. I’d probably go for apricots normally but i was feeling lazy. Take these pieces and poach very very gently for about 10 minutes till soft. Then drain, reserving liquid.

Take about 1/3 cup of the liquid and add 2 shots of dubonnet liquer, 3 shots of tawny port. Discard the remainder.

The trifle

150ml cream

200g dark chocolate

Bring the cream to a simmer, remove from heat then stir in the chocolate till you have a lovely thick liquid.

Get a sponge, approx 200mm x 150mm x 30mm (approx, you know) and cut it into about 12 cubes. I realise this sum won’t make perfect cubes. Don’t be a smart arse.

Dip the cubes into the chocolate until it’s all used up. Put them into a clear glass bowl. I think a large vase would be cool but that’s a bit unusual.

Now spoon the fruit on top, pour the adultered liquid over the whole lot.

Take 600ml of custard and pour over the entire mix. I suggest you buy the custard.

Now whip about 400ml of cream until soft peaks form and spread over the whole shebang.

Garnish with fresh cut fruit.

Refrigerate for about 5+ hours, preferably overnight. Serve cold. Yum.

(I’ll post later if it actually tastes good….)

Merry Christmas Kids! x DJE

Quantities in this one are vague – we’re combining sweet, sour, salty and hot in the sauce base so make it to taste.

1x tsp fish sauce

1x tsp grated palm sugar

1 x tsp lime juice

1 x tsp ripped washed coriander leaves.

2 x tbsp dried red fried shallots ( from Vietnamese store)

1/6 th x finely, finely shredded chili. (Like hair)

Mix everything except the shallots. Adjust the mix with fish sauce, lime or sugar to taste. They should blend beautifully without any individual taste standing out.

Open an oyster (google how to do it, well worth the small effort to learn and the lads sell a knife for three quid)

Place a good pinch of crunchy shallots on top. spoon liquid into the shell to cover. Neck the whole thing immediately.

Righto, you’ll need . . .

1 x Choritzo, sliced

8 x Fingers of okra (sliced into 1/2 cm thingees)

1/2 x tsp fresh chili paste

1 tsp fried garlic

6 x fresh rough chopped basil leaves. (Love and care for your basil plant!)

2 x Free range eggs

Salt to taste

Heat a pan a little, fire in some butter and pop in sliced choritzo. Fry on one side and turn over. Now add the okra.

Cook for 1 min, now add chili, garlic and basil. Cook for 1 minute then throw in the eggs. (Of course you’ve whisked these with a fork in a bowl beforehand.)

Pull the edges of the omlette into the centre. Pop a pinch of salt in there.

Now, I’m a damn ninja in the kitchen and can flip an omelette like a champion. *guffaw* but here’s a tip. Wait till it’s JUST cooked on the bottom. The top should be a little runny. Pop a plate over the pan and holding them firmly together, turn through 180′. Now all you need to do is slide the omelette back into the pan. Easy, right? The thing is, most omelettes suck due to over cooking. I’ve killed many in my time, but you don’t have to. Once it’s been turned, it only needs 20 seconds.

Serve with good coleslaw, fresh bitter green leaves and thick sliced, heavily buttered white bread and ‘tyskie’ polish beer.

Dinner in under 5 minutes. And it’s bloody delicious.

(a substantial meal)

(serves 4)

4 hand full x mixed mushrooms (see below)

4 x banana shallots / sliced lengthwise 5mm wide

6 x peeled garlic cloves / sliced in ¼ lengthwise

1 x leek / well washed and sliced

½ tbsp x fresh thyme / chopped

¼ tbsp x fresh rosemary / chopped

½ x red chili / de-seeded and finely sliced

2 tbsp x balsamic vinegar

4 tbsp x dry white wine

1 x bunch swiss chard / washed, cut into wide strips (mostly leaves)

Sunflower oil

XV olive oil

salt + pepper

Choose mushrooms that you’ve never tried! I use button mushrooms, swiss brown and portobello as a base (they’re robust and well priced) then find something more interesting to take it to the next level. Oyster, enoki, chanterelle and morels are nice. Just ask about and try a bite of the mushrooms raw, wherever you buy them.

In a small amount of sunflower oil, gently sauté the large sliced garlic cloves for a few minutes, then add the shallots. Slowly cook out for about 10 minutes until it begins to colour. Now add the sliced chili, leeks and chopped herbs. Another couple of minutes of cooking and now add the mushrooms. Biggest pieces first – you want to just cook them through. Slightly turn the heat up, brown the outsides, then chuck in the wine and vinegar. Reduce it all down then when there’s only a little bit of liquid remaining, toss in the chard and wilt it.

Season with olive oil, salt and pepper

Serve immediately, with 5 baked or fried arancini on top. Bask in your guest’s gratitude.

Arancini and Special Salad

(a lighter meal)

(serves 4)

4 x endive (whitlof)

2 x avocados

½ cup x pecan nuts

Lemon infused olive oil

(Wikipedia or Waitrose depending on time and will…)

3 x blood oranges

4 tbsp x white sugar

1 cup x water

2 x star anise

1 x cinnamon quill

3 x cloves

1 x pinch dried chili

Zest 1 orange, then peel all 3. Slice into 5mm thick cross-sections.

Fill a small pot with the water, sugar and spices then bring to the boil. Simmer for 1 minute then add the orange. Reduce heat and gently poach over 5 minutes. Turn off heat.

Cut the pecans in half then toast in a dry pan for a few minutes. A pinch of salt after the heat is turned off.

Wash and slice endive into large, long pieces. Slice the avocado. Drain the oranges (reserve the juice) Arrange the lot on a plate with the warm arancini balls throughout. Dress with the olive oil and a little of the poaching water from the oranges. Serve immediately. Ohm nom nom.

200gm black eyed peas dry

3 large field mushrooms

1 handful oyster mushrooms

1 handful swiss brown mushrooms

1 large onion

3 cloves garlic

1 tsp dried truffles (optional)

2 tbsp white wine

juice of 1 lemon

½ cup vege stock

1 pack halloumi cheese

1 bunch swiss chard

1 bunch radishes

olive oil

salt

pepper

Another in a series of cook and dump on a plate dishes. It tastes very nice though.

Soak the peas (beans) for 3 hours. Drain, cover with water in a pot, add the lemon juice and 1 tsp salt. Bring to the boil and simmer for about 20 min. While this is going, dice onion and garlic, start frying in a pan with some olive oil. When brown, dice and add mushrooms, until they’re cooking well. Crumble in the dried truffles (I used inexpensive Tibetan ones, given to me by the lovely lady from Truffle Trade in Kent) You could also use dried morels that have been soaked. Simmer, add the white wine, reduce, add the vege stock and simmer for about 20 min until the liquid is thick and tasty. Add salt and pepper as you wish.

Drain the al dente beans, add to the mushrooms, mix well and simmer for 5 more min. Meanwhile in a small pan, slice the halloumi thinly, shred the chard and fry. Until crispy. Thinly slice the radishes , then serve the whole lot jumbled together (artfully, of course). Eat with fresh turkish bread . Ohn nom nom.